Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.”  Jack Kornfield

Logically we know that we cannot change the past.   Why then do we find ourselves trying to live in it, hoping and wishing it had happened or ended differently?  Our anger impairs our vision and we cannot see the need to replace the growing inferno inside of us with just simple peace.   Our exasperation fuels everything but the need to forgive.

By forgiving are we not giving the person or persons that have wronged us an escape?    Why should they continue as if nothing happened when the hurt inside of us is a constant reminder of the grievous injury they have done us?  It is easy to consider forgiveness as an act of kindness in favor of those who have broken pieces of us.

It is important that we realize forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves.   Without forgiving those who may have hurt us in ways we never imagined we cannot heal the pain within our hearts.  The wound stays fresh and we seem to reinjure our broken hearts daily.

Forgiveness comes with the realization that we don’t have to give our offender approval, acceptance, dismissal or condone their actions.   Forgiveness allows us to release the tethers that bind our thoughts and emotions.  Most importantly, the act of forgiving allows us to release the anger and hostility that grows within our aching soul and it gives us freedom.

Freedom from what, you ask?  Bitterness, misery, contentment to live in the past, inability to enjoy the present and losing a part of yourself.  Wanting or wishing for a different outcome of the past will not change it, let it go.   Give yourself the gift of freedom that forgiveness provides.

What if we are on the other side of the forgiveness equation?   We are responsible for the pain and hurt someone else is experiencing.   Can we forgive ourselves and is it important to?    One of the first things we should realize is that no one lives a mistake free existence and often people are hurt by those mistakes; granted some are worse than others.

We need to recognize that we have flaws and our flaws help to fashion the person we are and the life we are navigating.  Regardless of our flaws we are not indelibly bad, we may have done something that hurt someone else and that action is bad; but it does not mark us as such. Sometimes forgiving ourselves can be more difficult than forgiving those who have wronged us, for we look into the mirror each morning and see ourselves as a failure and we live with our thoughts twenty-four hours a day.

We should forgive ourselves.  Acknowledge the regret, guilt, shame and pain we feel for the emotional damage we’ve inflicted on someone else and then move forward.   Easy is not in the equation at this point; but remember what doesn’t kill us really does make us stronger.   Our life is shaped by many things, our joys, our successes, our failures and yes, our mistakes.

So, forgive others the wrongs they have done and forgive yourself for your transgressions.  Grow in both ways, grant yourself freedom,  embrace life; for our time is short and we live it only once.