TO OPEN OR NOT TO OPEN?

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”  Prince Phillip

Wow!   Quite a comment for the once thought gentlemanly thing to do.   If we look around and talk to enough people you will get an onslaught of different and mixed opinions when it comes to the fairly easy act of opening a door.   Is it right or wrong to open a door for a woman?   Who knows what the correct answer is, and I have learned the question may be a strictly personal one.

While exploring this topic I learned that the art of a gentleman holding a door open in 2018 may be referred to as benevolent sexism.   BENEVOLENT SEXISM?   Okay, benevolent sexism is considered the practice of treating women like they’re helpless and need coddling.   Imagine my surprise realizing the thought of it never crossed my mind.

I feel it important, as there may be women reading this blog that consider themselves perfectly capable of opening their own door to qualify this post.    I am capable of opening the door for myself in mixed company and I find myself holding the door for men and women alike.   I’m not offended by holding the door for either sex.   If I reach the door first it is instinctual for me to simply hold the door and think it is polite.    I don’t feel the few seconds I spend on this task is wasted or unappreciated.   In fact, I perform it with a smile in place and greetings tumbling from my lips. Often the smile and greetings are returned.

Now, I suppose it’s going to get a little sticky.    I’ve never been in a relationship until very recently that the gentleman I was involved with would hold the door, open the car door or simply wait for me to sit before beginning a meal.  It’s nice, believe me.   It makes me feel special and wanted, not belittled, helpless or coddled.   And on top of that, it makes him stand out from the rest.

And, I know what some of you are thinking, I realize I’m not the first he has performed these gentlemanly manners for.   So be it.   I’ll take it, regardless.

Whatever our sex, our daily lives are filled with hurried exchanges, deadlines, appointments, day-to-day difficulties and just life in general.   If you have a man who is willing to walk to the driver’s side of your car, simply to open and close your door for you; accept it.   After all you’re driving.  If it’s misting rain outside and he wants to exit the driver’s seat, get the umbrella, open the door for you and keep you dry, accept it.  As you and he are walking together, and he prefers a certain side, so he can hold your hand comfortably, accept it.   Stay with me here.   You and he approach a building, or your home and he wants to open the door for you, accept it.  I could go on with the courtesies that he may extend, but in consideration of time I will stop; you get the idea.

I find it difficult to believe he’s being a jerk or demeaning me in any way.  Women are smart, and we are capable of detecting intent in most instances.   Temper your response with an evaluation of his overall behavior.   It’s hard to find malice in his being a gentleman if he is your cheerleader in every other arena.   If he believes in your dreams, and supports your goals and efforts to obtain them; can he really be accused of benevolent sexism?  Personally, I don’t think so.

Many of us grew up reading Cinderella and Snow White and dreamed of being the princess.   I think most of us now read the story to the young girls in our lives and let them know they can accomplish it all with or without the knight in shining armor.   My nieces are constantly reminded that they should choose a man if they want him; not because they need him.

I’m capable of opening my door, getting the umbrella for myself, walking alone and most anything I set my mind to.   I feel the majority of the women in my world and beyond are also capable.  Should we expect men in our general lives to open our doors?  Probably not; hold the door for them if you get there first or simply go in.  The world is a better place if we are kind to each other. We cannot in today’s expectation of equality insist on “gentlemanly conduct”, as the term itself is open to wide interpretation.

But, in my romantic relationship, I find the existence of a gentleman, somewhat intoxicating.   I feel valued and respected.    I realize it is not for everyone, but it is also not for everyone to judge.

Be yourself and allow those that you love to be themselves.  Find your gentleman or not, it’s your choice.

SGHR